Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Love is a Solid thing~

A friend recently said something that hit me like a brilliant lighting bolt to my brain, waking it up underneath the mud and dirt caking it due to so many years of accumulated horseshit as a result of everything in my life and life in general.  We were talking about the complex and retarded dynamics of trying to be close with family as well as lovers, even when their dysfunctional habits made loving them difficult and painful.  She said, 'You can't connect to people who are slippery'.
Whoa. This stopped me right in my tracks.  When she said this we looked right at each other, paused for a moment realizing how true this was while laughing and congratulating the utter hilarity and profundity of that expression in all it's honesty and precision.  'Yeah, duh...of course, because they're slippery...You can't ever hold onto them, because they're always slipping away...Totally makes sense!!' Like it should just be obvious when encountering people like that, that things are not going to go well and one should just turn around and walk away out of self-preservation.
                               "WARNING<DANGER AREA>SLIPPERY!!

Beyond sounding humorous and metaphorical it was downright true! When I think of the people in my life most challenging to connect with, including family, namely the men, they were slippery.  Like a fish you think you've caught, repeatedly slipping from your hands every time you reach out for them again and again.  Eventually you realize, at least with fish, you ought to just throw it back and keep fishing, right?  But for some reason, as with me and some women, we have a blind spot when it comes to loving the wrong men and end up trying harder and ourselves fall down a slippery slope into foolishness and heartache. Like the scales on a fish's skin, they're flakey.
It's the perfect word to describe people who seem to be in your life, seem and pretend to care about you and seem like potential lovers and yet never pan out to anything solid that you can actually hold on to.

The funny thing is, the next day both of us reinterpreted it with different words through our own filters. I thought my friend had said, 'You can't LOVE someone who is slippery' and she thought she had said, ' You can't ATTACH to someone who is slippery'.  Thankfully she had written it on a note for me.  Hers was closer to her original sentence but still interesting how it went through our filters and came out different for each of us.  Either way, a good way to look at unavailable people to connect, love or attach to all around.

Slippery: emotionally weak, avoidant, deceptive, evasive, mysterious in a way that does not engage with others well.

Good healthy people are not slippery.  When people are in the right place and space in their lives for love and intimacy, they will not be evasive, deceptive and avoidant with their emotions while pretending to be interested.  If one is not healthy or aware of their own state at the moment, they may fall prey to caring for someone who is slippery and will end up getting hurt.  But it goes both ways.

Some people are sticky and cling to people because they are not in a strong or healthy place as well. Sticky people can make others feel smothered and oppressed, yet needed in a weird way that begets a co-dependent relationship.
Some are slippery and deceptively unavailable or hiding something that can make others feel avoided and yet constantly pulled in by deceitful behavior. Neither state is a good place to be in and will not produce a healthy relationship with anyone for very long.  So before you get involved with someone, check yourself and see how you are.  Are you slippery, sticky or balanced and ready for real intimacy?
Then you can ask yourself, your greater intuition if the person you want to connect with is slippery, sticky or flakey, then go forward from there.

I'm going to keep this in mind when I go out into my life, meeting with people.  If they seem slippery, I'm not even going to reach out for them, whatsoever...
Just keep fishing.


Friday, November 25, 2016


Self-Care is one of those new age healing expressions that's actually pretty damn useful that I forget to keep in mind on a regular basis and when I hear it, am reminded of it's simple importance: take care of yourself in a way you can sustain your life, your spirit or whatever, yourself, for real.
Self-Care is vitally important especially in times like these where it seems literally the world around us is going mad.  Finding ways to pull back from the mayhem and gain ground is extremely vital for our suvival despite being in a culture, here in the U.S., where we feel like if we don't keep up with every flippin' moment of every event that we're going to miss out on something. We're not!  This mentality which pervades our 'culture' can drive one to extreme normalized anxiety and keep us running at a pace that is unsustainable and driven to neurosis, filled with an almost addictive hunger that is never satisfied.  We glue ourselves to electronic screens 'searching' for life beyond our grasp that always seems, almost there for our touch and yet never really is in a complete way; leaving us often feeling very isolated and dissatisfied.  But we keep searching despite and because of this.
There are many things people can do besides the usual escapist tools like pop culture, media gorging, drugs, destructive sex or food binging.  What are some ways that help you unplug or disconnect from society and help you reconnect to yourself?
I use my herbal remedies but sometimes my Relax or Nerve Ease formulas are not enough but since I don't do drugs or pop culture, I seek additional help. I am not sure beyond gorging on sugar and hot baths what else to do I go go back to my spiritual health tool bag to check in. I look for quiet ways to soothe my soul. Music is one of the main tools I use. Bands like Dead Can Dance and Indian Raga music(G.S. Sachdev/Zakir Hussain) often helps. Making art is something I love to do, any form but especially writing scripts, taking photos and long ago sculpting and making ceramics. Someday I will get back to those again. For now walking in the woods is one tool that really grounds me and reminds me of what's sane in the world, in particular being around trees. Trees are some of my favorite things (sing the tune).  Dogs are nice too....(I like candy and cookies a LOT, but they don't like me back) :P

What do you do? If you don't have something right off the top of your busy mind, make it a goal to find some healing tools for when times get tough and manic becomes the way.
Find a way back to yourself in the midst of the heated insanity boiling all around us. Unplug from our culture and sink into the safety of ourselves, the quietude of our soul by whatever peaceful, non-destructive path you can find. We'll return soon enough to the chaos and indulgence, for now Self-Care is where it's at. Peace.